African Aunties!!!

Welcome back! Happy New Month everyone!

Let's jump right into today's topic!

"African auntie" is a term loosely used to describe any older woman in your life who isn't your mum. African auntie ranges from your mum's sister who's your actual aunt, your older neighbour, your best friend's mum, your mum's childhood friend, an older church member or honestly any older woman who feels entitled to pass comments about anything you do.

Let's just say I have had countless experiences with "African aunties" and today, I share a few with you.

For some reason, some of my "Sunday bests" do not sit well with quite a number of my African aunties. It is either my lipstick colour is too bold or my dress is slightly short or the simple fact that I have on pants. It is important to note that the Ghanaian culture is conservative and I attend a Methodist Church. I have always gotten so much grief just because of my appearance and choice of clothing to church. However, the first service I went to after my first year abroad was very different. I felt so many stares and quite honestly judgement for the way I looked. I had on a black and white dress, paired with some wedges and belt that cinched my waist. I remember an auntie coming up to me saying "Ei my dear, as for this your dress hmm, it's short oo." I stared at her and responded "Auntie, I don't think so oo." She just smiled and walked away. When they start the sentence with "my dear" or "sweetheart", just know it's not always going to be pleasant.

This was the beginning of several reports to my mum about my "disrespectful" behaviour. They know not to approach my dad because he is a man of very few words and he would just not humor them. Anyway, this is amusing because we leave home together for church as a family so I am pretty sure if my siblings or parents felt uncomfortable with a partiuclar outfit I had on, they would let me know. Now I must admit, my mum and sister have sometimes expressed concern about some of my clothes but I stick to my choice for a number of reasons. Firstly, they want me to change my clothes so that no "African auntie has any reason to pass unnecessary comments". At least we all agree the comments are unnecessary haha. Also, they feel like some outfits are a bit too "forward". Reading this, one would think I wear skimpy dresses or biker shorts and crop tops to church lol. I feel like if I were a size 2, maybe this won't be such an issue but that's a story for another day. Y'all, I literally wear pants, relatively "shorter dresses", bolder coloured lipsticks and extravagant earrings. If you know me personally, you know I love my dramatic earrings and lipsticks. Unfortunately, not everyone clearly believes in expressing yourself through fashion.

I told you all about reports to my mum because of my "disrespectful" behaviour right? In this case disrespectful behaviour is me basically responding to their comments. Talking back in our culture even in the most polite and solemn way is considered disrespectful. One fateful Sunday, it was time for offering and as we danced to the front of the church to drop our money in the containers, I ended up dropping my offering with my left hand. Now let me explain, I took money out of my bag and as I left my seat, to approach the front, I had every intention of switching hands but that did not happen. Now if you have read this post, you will undertand why this is a big deal. Anyway, I walked back to my seat saying to myself "Adwoa you used your left hand for offering! Money meant for God! How could you?"

After service, when we got home, my mum said, "Auntie X and auntie Y (I do not want their names on here. Clearly, I still feel slighted by them) said they saw you paying your offering with your left hand. I literally screamed in my head and thought to myself "Are they serious?" I said to my mum, "Mummy, I don't understand why they came to report to you. What did they think you will do to me? Mummy so they literally spend their time staring at me and my every move? Wow I must be really important to them. They must really like me and just want to find a way to get my attention." My mum laughed with me and just told me to ignore them, ofcourse she would not be my mum if she did not tell me to be conscious of the hand I use. She proceeded to tell me not to be cold towards them the next Sunday- she knows me too well because that was my exact plan. Let's just say I was cold and did not acknowledge them, simply because I did not want to waste my time on such characters.

I mean I have so many personal stories but let me share some stories that people around me have experienced. Nothing irritates me more than when during family gatherings especially weddings or engagement parties, these aunties manage to find my older cousin and say to her, "Next year by now we will be celebrating yours oo. You know you are older than her and she's now married today". Now, don't get me wrong, they may be coming from a good place but the delivery, tone and body language just reads SHADE!!! Now the real question is, how many of these aunties are in a happy and fulfilled marriage? How many of them have amazing partners? How many of them actually love the men they are married to? How many of them are unhappy in their marriages and can't leave because of what people will say? They can't leave because they know the unkind comments they have passed to other people who separated or got divorced.

I think what surprises me about African aunties is the nerve they have to pass certain comments. It's like they just have no shame. Honestly, that is a part of the culture. According to our culture "it takes a village to raise a child" so in their defense, they are helping raise your child. If an auntie can punish or discipline a child in their parent's absence, and the parents give thanks to the auntie for that, then truly I guess they are at liberty to say whatever they want. Thank God no random auntie tried to punish me as a child but Lord knows the comments are unending!

The humorous part about African aunties is that, they are usually the first ones to pass comments or run to your parents when they see you with a person of the opposite sex in particular settings. The thing is you are old enough to have a romantic relationship if you'd like to. However, if they see you out or spending time with a guy- friend or not, the manner in which they manipulate and exaggerate the narrative makes you look like a sneaky person who was out doing the most ridiculous thing. Unfortunately, they are the same ones whose children are drop outs, have three kids with three different men at age 19 and are currently pregnant with their fourth - just saying. There is nothing wrong with that because everyone's circumstance and path is different but the simple fact that they spend so much time trying to correct and properly "advice" someone else's child while theirs is wayward genuinely baffles me.

I think I need to stop here because clearly, I can go on forever. I may do a part 2 depending on the reception of this post. If you have made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope this gave you some insight and better understanding of some of the struggles I face. I know I'm not the only one who has had some annoying experiences with African aunties. Drop a comment sharing some of your personal experiences. Let's get interactive.

Since this post was heavily centered on the African aunties in my church, let me end by giving some props to the lovely ones! Shout out to Auntie Vida, Auntie Pat, Auntie Mavis and Mrs Essel. To my real blood related aunties who have looked out for your girl, I appreciate you all.

Thanks for stopping by. Please share this post with others so they can enjoy as well.

Until next time,

Be you, do you, stay you!

Adwoa.