African Parents like to celebrate the "Come Up", not the "How Come"- Here's Why

Parents are truly a blessing to us and I do believe that I am the person I am today partly because of my parents and my upbringing. This post is by no means to bash parents out there. We love you all.

African parents... hmm we can't seem to do without them but everyday with them presents us with different adventures. I am a product of an African home or should I say still a raw material in there lol. I think I have experienced enough to share my thoughts and observations, so here you go:

All parents take great pride in the success of their children but African parents just take it to a whole new level. It almost feels like you are their personal science project that MUST flourish for the whole class to see.

They simply want the ability to flaunt your successes at social gatherings. They want to boldly say "My daughter is in Stanford Medical School ooo" or "my son just bought two houses at Trasacco Valley and Airport Hills and is moving next month". Trasacco Valley and Airport Hills is like the Bel Air or Silicon Valley of Ghana. These are conversations that actually happen between our parents and their friends. It does not necesarily come from a place of hate but rather motivation and fun competition- so they say.

African parents just want to rest at night knowing that their children are safe out there, capable of doing anything and fully living the life they've prayed for for us. The approach is just sometimes painful.

They teach us that we do not have an option but to succeed because we're just like anyone out here putting in work and quite honestly, that part has worked on me. I literally just KNOW I am going to succeed in all things, be happy, walk in my purpose AND be financially sound- no one can tell me otherwise! That's just the power of God working in me!

Shout out to our Primary (elementary) and Junior Secondary (middle) school teachers who were parents in their own right at school. Quite honestly sometimes parenting a little too much and not minding their business. They were also our biggest cheerleaders but it sure did not feel that way then.

With the topics of discussion at our parents' social functions being our successes or lack thereof, we constantly live with the "burden" of trying to achieve that picture perfect life - at least what they view as picture perfect. They bask in your "come up" only when it is a conventional route like Medicine, Law or Engineering (no offense to individuals in this space, we love to see it! ) otherwise, they'll give you a hard time but eventually celebrate your "come up".

I have been told "how come she got a 95% and you made 90%? Does he have two heads?" This may sound humorous today, but back then, it lit a fire in me to go after that classmate and beat them in the next test. "Why can't you also be a part of the team? Is she better than you? God will take care of you so go and participate! I don't want any excuses". This and many more are some of the reasons why I am so driven and passionate about everything especially my academics. It really is the little things y'all! I am a Junior in college and have almost perfect attendance. The one absence I have was for a scholarship event off campus but ofcourse, I made sure I sought permission beforehand and ensured it was excused. One of my best friends always says "Adwoa, you know you don't get an award for having perfect attendance in college right?" That comment genuinely makes me smile all the time but I'm like girl I know, I physically just can't skip lol. She has learned to understand that my mum's voice and my dad's look of disappointment constantly ringing in my mind won't allow me do so. That, coupled with my own self guilt knowing I am consciously missing a class for no just reason won't let me.

Several conversations with my African parents have led me to realise that in their opinion success equates financial stability and peace of mind, which will give you happiness while passion and dreams are pretty much out of the equation. In their words, "We just want you to be able to afford the things you want in future because we have invested in you". Who says I can't pursue my dreams and make a living out of it? If you are an African child who is fortunate to be passionate about something that will bring you automatic financial stability or are monetizing your passion then lucky you! Say a prayer for your African brothers and sisters who aren't there yet.

At the end of the day, we know they just want us to be happy but the delivery and process of execution isn't one we totally appreciate. They want to feel comfortable enough to brag about you in their social circles and show you off to other relatives that's all. Even if it is at the expense of your peace and freedom in that moment - crazy right? I know.

The way they navigate this topic is simply a cycle that stems from their parents, grandparents and generations prior. This is their way of showing concern, care, support and pretty much looking out for us. This is one of their love languages. I will share a post on the love languages of African parents later on. Love is expressed in different ways and I guess this is one of theirs.

Let's continue to put maximum efforts in all we do, give and recieve support and push forward with determination. We will succeed, and the success will be on our own terms, not that of our parents and family. I have survived this and you can too. Just pursue your dreams wisely and they will celebrate your "come up" with you! They just love to live in oblivion during the "how come" especially if it is a non-traditional route.

I have so many friends and family who relate to this, it's pretty crazy! I do not mean to generalize all African parents but I think it is a safe assumption to make. I'm sure some non-African children can relate as well. I truly hope you enjoyed reading today!

Please come back!

Until next time,

Be you, do you, stay you!

Adwoa.