No means No: Rape Culture

#justiceforuwa #justiceforbakarat #justicefortina #justiceforjennifer #justiceforgirls

In the last few weeks, there has been a very disturbing uproar of scary and unfortunate rape stories in Africa that have flooded our timelines. I have given so much thought to the situation and I can't seem to come up with the right words to express how I really feel. Rape has always been one of the many issues the African continent deals with. However, it seems to be at an all time high and at the forefront of the media lately.

I don't know which one baffles me more- the fact that a 22-year old girl was raped inside a church- yes a church where she was studying or the fact that 5 men gang raped an 18-year-old girl or the situation where 11 men raped a 12-year-old girl. I am appalled by these disgusting, selfish, cruel, inhumane acts.

In the African society, there is so much emphasis on raising the girl child the "right" way. The "right" way meaning: cooking, cleaning, being respectful, dressing decently and submitting. They are taught to be seen and not heard. They are taught that the man has all the authority. They are groomed with the ultimate goal of being a good wife to some man. The issue I have with that is the idea that only the girl child needs proper upbringing. If the females have all these qualities and the males don't then where is the mutual respect? Females shouldn't be raised to fear men, they shouldn't be raised to give men all the power and behave as though men own them and their bodies. I believe that our society should raise boys to become respectful men. Men who should know that the society does not revolve around them. Men who know what consent means. Men who are self sufficient and do not feel entitled. Men who understand the fact that they do not own a woman's body and have no right to objectify her. Above all, men who are disciplined.

The most outrageous explanation rapists or entitled men use to defend rape is that the female was inappropriately dressed or she was on the street after 10pm so she deserves to be raped. First of all, what power do you have to give someone a curfew or decide what she wears at any given point in time. This boils down to the fact that we live in a patriarchal society and men will always feel and act like they are the superior gender.

https://www.standuprasash.com/blog/no-means-no

How do we fix this? Well, let's start with the parents. Let us charge one another to raise boys to become good and respectful men. Let us have these conversations with our male friends, brothers, cousins and challenge them to be the best wave of men the continent has ever seen. Secondly, let us listen when young girls come to us with rape stories. Let us support them and fight for them. I know most people will dismiss the girl and refer to her as a bad girl or a liar. Most of these rape and abuse cases start from family members and relatives. There is that power dynamic that will always place the victim at a disadvantage. For example in the work place, school or church. You would be surprised at how many cases of sexual abuse occur in the work place, with the excuse of "oh that is how he is" or "he is just joking with you". No, joking with me does not invlove touching me inappropriately; thank you very much. Also, we need to help give voices to the voiceless. This ranges from protecting the victim's life and identity, reporting individuals to the authorities in the workplace, reporting rapists to the police and simply looking out for each other in compromising sitautions. We should also volunteer our time with organizations that support women and children and also donate funds if we can.

Now, I will be a hypocrite if I said these measures will eradicate rape completely. With that said, how do we help rape victims? We can do so by providing them with support, psychological assistance and removing them from settings where their predators belong.

I know the social services system in most African countries are not very ideal. However, we as civilians can make these girls feel better by desisting from calling them names, blaming them for what happened and mocking them. Instead, we should challenge the authorities to ensure that justice is served. To the government, you have the ultimate power and funds to provide help for victims and punish abusers. We are watching you and we hope to see change.

To small groups, individuals and non-governmental organizations who support this cause, Thank you. Keep fighting for the young boys and girls who are taken advantage of daily by people in higher places or individuals who want 5 minutes of pleasure at the detriment of the victim's lifetime of happiness.

One of my main goals is to help young people "live their best life" while navigating this not so perfect world. When someone is raped, they cannot live their best life and that genuinely bothers me. I will continue to keep the conversation going and do the little I can in my corner to better lives. I will continue to spark conversations and "shake tables" like these until I have the opportunity to effect change on a much larger scale.

Hopefully this post motivated you to do better as an individual. I hope it motivated you to fight and protect the people around you and in the society as a whole. I hope it made you uncomfortable; because that means I said something good.

These are a few organisations that support women and children:

The Girl in Need Foundation (GiNF) https://www.facebook.com/theginf/

African Women Development Fund (AWDF) https://awdf.org

Alliance for African Women Initiative (AFAWI) https://www.afawigh.org

Defence for Children International https://defenceforchildren.org/about-us-2/

Thank you for reading. Try to be a better person today than you were yesterday.

Until next time,

Be you, do you, stay you

Adwoa.