Wo-"Man" Enough?

Welcome back! Happy one month anniversary to me! Today, May 20 2020 marks exactly a month since I launched this blog. This is my tenth post and I think it is the perfect way to celebrate. Let me take this moment to say thank you to every single one of you. Thank you for sharing my posts, thank you for pushing me to bring you the best content, thank you for supporting me, thank you for giving me feedback. Thank you for your immense love and thank you for everything. God richly bless you. Amen. Please keep sharing my content with your loved ones - it helps me a lot. I hope you all ride with me till our first anniversary, fifth one and for as long as I do this.

So glad you stopped by today. Let's jump right into our topic.

Let's start this way. What makes you a woman? Is it identifying as one? Is it your reproductive organs? Why is the status of one's womanhood so complex?

I'll tell you how my African people feel about this- at least the ones I have come in contact with, the conversations I have witnessed and the comments I have heard from different angles. This includes the older women, cousins, uncles and basically individuals with ancient views in our African society.

Makeup by @beauty_politique on Instagram

It is a society where being a "real" woman is based on your accomplishments. Whether or not you are married, if you have kids, the number of kids you have and the gender of the children you have. Male offsprings give you a "higher ranking". Basically, you aren't a WOMAN without a MAN. Grammatically, this may be be accurate lol but realistically it isn't. I simply can't comprehend the fact that the African society feels that after a woman completes her education, the next "achievement" is marriage. Now, let me make it clear that I am a young woman who would love to get married and have children someday but that will happen on my terms, in my time frame and with the special grace of God; not that of my nosey aunties, church members, neighbours or relatives.

Here's the funny thing though. When you're in school, you're told not to have any boyfriends or in their own words "don't let any man decieve you" (what does that even mean? haha) but the moment you graduate, they start requesting wedding invitations and meetings with your fiancé. How I'm I supposed to bring a man home right after graduation when I was told not to date while in school? The only physical thing I earn after school is the diploma not a man! Also, why do they expect you to move straight from your father's house to your husband's house? Literally from one man's house to another. What happened to the transitonal period and independence of renting an apartment or the option of venturing out on your own for a bit? The male child however is at liberty to do whatever they want and literally get married at their own time with less pressure as compared to what females experience.

I just detest the idea that your ability to be woman enough relies heavily on your marital status. Listen y'all, being a woman is woman enough! You do not need a husband or children to validate your "womanhood". There are women who genuinely do not want to get married and I don't think there is anything absurd about it. There are also women who do not want to have children themselves but want to adopt and care for other children. Again, that is absolutely normal. It is just unfortunate that these women are treated poorly by fellow Africans, especially older ones because they feel it is not a "woman enough" move.

Let me tell you how intense this is. At social gatherings, when there is a shortage of seats, the unmarried lady is made to give up her seat for the married lady, even if she is not pregnant and very capable. African aunties pass comments such as, "Are you even married? when real women are talking, you're also trying to contribute". We all know what "real women" means in this scenario. Even the silence and whispers you experience when you walk into a room is enough for you to hate yourself and your decision. The unwarranted comments such as, "next year at this time, it'll be your turn" or "I have a pastor friend who does deliverance for women like you" are very hurtful. I wonder if the people who pass these comments realise that some individuals do not want marriage or children. The stigma is so real to the point where you feel very uncomfortable at events because you know people will approach you with unwarranted condolences and sympathy.

This pressure is exactly why most women rush into unhealthy marriages. The very people who pressured you into marriage are the same ones who will make you stay even when you are being abused or are unhappy. The most common explanation is "it is our culture". No it is not! Our culture is meant to promote love, familyhood, peace, celebration, happiness, kindness, hardwork, respect not pain and suffering. I believe the African culture can be unfair to women, but until we stand up for what we believe in, this cycle will go on forever. The change has to start with us.

To my sisters who are feeling the pressure, do not fold. Take your time, prepare your mind, body and soul. Make sure that anything you do is genuinely from your heart and in tune with God's will for your life not as a result of pressure or externalities.

Marriage is a beautiful thing ordained by God. Do not disrespect Him because you want to please mankind.

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear about your experiences in this field or reactions to this topic in general. I hope that as you read my posts, it motivates you to have these difficult conversations and make changes to brighten the corner where you are.

Please don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend about Gyimaah's Thoughts.

Until next time,

Be you, do you, stay you,

Adwoa.